Ever since I started living close to God and walking with Him every day, I’ve felt Him near me and around wherever I go. I can always talk to Him and He responds in different ways, through different means. I just know I can always connect with Him – wherever or whenever. He is my best friend and my Father, who is always there with me.
But I did have an intense experience once that lasted for about three days. Somehow I didn’t feel Him near me like I usually do. I didn’t sense Him responding when I talked to Him, and I literally felt like I had been disconnected from Jesus. I know this was not the reality, but it felt so real, and it started to freak me out. I was confused and almost panicked. Finally, after three days of silence a picture of Jesus on the cross flashed in my mind, and I heard Him cry out, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ (Matt. 27:45).
Jesus hung on the cross in darkness for three hours, carrying all the sins of the world, feeling completely cut off from His Father in Heaven. And God said to me, “You don’t ever have to be apart from Me, because Jesus already was!”
After three days of feeling like I wasn’t able to connect with God, I never want to experience that again. It felt like getting a taste of what hell is like. And I was more grateful than ever, for all that was accomplished by Jesus’ death on the cross.
Jesus made the way, but the choice is ours
We were separated from God, when sin came into the world. He is Holy and cannot be near sin. But Jesus made a way through that. When He died on the cross He created a way back to God. So, when we receive what Jesus did on the cross, our sin is washed away, and we have full access to our Heavenly Father. The veil in the temple was torn in two, symbolizing the fact that we are all free to walk into His presence. But it is up to us if we will do it.
It is possible to believe in Jesus and go to Heaven, but never fully experience the goodness of God in this life. We all have a choice. We can choose to live life in our own way, with our own plans. But that was never His intent. He created each one of us with a purpose, and only He knows how we can live that out, with a joy and satisfaction nothing else in this world could ever give us.
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Rom 8:38-39
Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus, but we can stand in the way of receiving and fully knowing that love, if we choose to go our own way, follow our own plans or look to other things for our joy and peace.
I choose Him!
The reason my experience of feeling separated from God was so scary, was because my life had taken on a whole new meaning. After living so close to Him for many years, I can’t even imagine what my life would be like going my own way. And I don’t want to. I am totally undone. And I am totally dependent on Him. If He doesn’t lead me and guide me and break through for me, I’m going down. But that’s the thing about a life with Jesus – He always does! Maybe not always the way I think or imagine, but most of the time it’s usually so much better. And I get to experience the power of God in my life on a daily basis.
I am so grateful that nothing can separate us from the love of God, and I choose to run full strength into that love, in the arms of my Father, every single day.
